Giving someone else your opinion is a situation that has to be approached with caution and in my “opinion”, only given when invited (I hope by reading this blog, you have given me permission to share my ‘opinions’ with you). By definition, opinion means, “a belief or conclusion held with confidence but not substantiated by positive knowledge or proof”. This simple definition says a lot about the origin of opinions. Opinions are a belief, not a fact. Often, they are not backed by any real knowledge or proof. I It can be even worse when opinions are based upon enough information to be dangerous and the person delivering them actually thinks that he/she is an expert.
I have found that most people do not welcome or even receive another’s opinion unless it is something they specifically requested feedback on. Even in this situation, the opinion is best received if it is given from someone that is trusted, valued, respected and appreciated. Also, if the recipient has not requested the feedback/opinion, they usually resent the feedback/opinion. Giving someone your opinion (especially when it is centered on how a person should live their life, lead their team, respond to a situation, run their business, etc) can often be viewed as a form of correction. Correction without relationship usually leads to rebellion.
Below are some thoughts on when to give your opinion, and how to know when to back off or keep your opinion to yourself:
1. When to give your opinion:
- Someone or a group specifically asks for it – even then proceed cautiously (see ‘When to back off …’ below)
- If you are in an environment where your opinion will be welcomed, appreciated, valued and respected – (even if it is not agreed with)
- You have thought through what you want to say and can back your opinion with knowledge, experience and/or research
- You have checked your heart and motives for sharing the feedback and they are in the right place to help/support the person or group
- You asked if it is “OK” for you to share your opinion
2. When to back off from giving your opinion:
- You find yourself sharing an opinion that was not requested or welcome
- You cannot support your opinion with facts, research, knowledge or experience
- The body language of the recipient indicates that they are not receiving the feedback any longer – even if they requested it
- You are getting too emotionally involved (or you have failed to manage your emotions) through sharing – which can damage your credibility
3. When to keep your opinion to yourself:
- Your opinion has not been requested
- You do not have a trusted or respectful relationship with the person/group you are sharing your opinion with
- You do not have any supporting information or experience and it is just an emotional opinion (be self-aware here)
- After checking your heart, you find you are angry, frustrated, disappointed, upset or hurt or that your motives are self-serving
- The opinion is not your own but one you took from someone else
Opinions aren’t all bad and there is definitely a time and place where it is beneficial to share your opinions as well as receive the opinions of others. The important thing to consider is when and how to share and from whom to receive. If you find yourself on the receiving end of opinions that weren’t invited, welcome or well informed, consider the following quotes:
“I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect.” – Edward Gibbon
“Your time is limited, so don’t’ waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important have the courage to follow you heard and intuition” – Steve Jobs
What are your thoughts on opinions? We would love to hear from you… even if your opinion is that you completely disagree… we are “welcoming” your opinion! If you would like to learn more about being self-aware and managing yourself and your emotions as a leader, please contact us today at info@msbcoach.com or visit our web site: www.msbcoach.com.