Michelle Braden, CEO of MSBCoach
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Recently, I was working with a client dealing with disappointments at work regarding how they were being treated and respected. I have been working with this client for a while and was not surprised by the situation; however, my client was. Through the course of the conversation, I asked my client the question, “Who are you being that gives others permission to treat you this way?” I realized when I asked that question that I tapped into something more powerful than the moment I was in.
This question opened the door for a meaningful conversation. It also opened my awareness of who each of us is “being,” that allows other people to “be” someone other than they would normally be.
We cannot control anyone’s behavior except our own; however, we have strong influence through our behaviors. For example, my husband and I have a friend who is able to turn even the worst of servers at a restaurant into gentle souls who would get him anything he needed. We often tease him about this; however, there is an art to being aware of who we are in the world, that gives space for others to be something we like or do not like.
Most of us mirror what we are “getting”. Back to the poor server at the restaurant, my natural tendency would be to think, “What a poor server… they are in the wrong business… their tip will certainly reflect the service they are providing.” I am realizing, however, that I hold more power than to just be frustrated by some else’s poor behavior. I have the ability to influence that person, to create a space where they can let their guard down and be their best.
I have discovered 10 things that can lend to creating a positive space for people to be in:
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Show respect to people right where they are in life without trying to change them to be like you
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Be kind
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Smile
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Be polite
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Appreciate the small things
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Show genuine interest in the other person
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Practice good communication
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Give without expecting something in return
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Be grateful
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Create a desire in people so they want to do well
I have also discovered 10 things that will lend to creating a negative space for people to be in:
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Sarcasm
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Impatience
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Not valuing someone who is different from you
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Being disrespectful in words and/or actions
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An attitude of entitlement
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Interrupting
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Not showing interest in the other person
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Being fake
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Not clearly communicating what you want or need
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Setting unrealistic expectations
Life and leadership are a journey. I love it when I have an “aha” moment with someone else as I did with my client I mentioned above. What about you? What do you do to create a positive space for people to live into their own greatness? What must you avoid doing that creates a negative space where people, ideas and dreams wither?
Michelle Braden is the CEO of MSBCoach, an ICF certified business. Michelle is an ICF certified coach and received her Advanced Human Behavior Certification and Wellness Coaching certification from the Leadership Institute of America. She is an advanced certified associate of Emergenetics, Int. and advanced trainer for DiSC. She has written two leadership training manuals for The Church of God International and is a freelance writer for Thought Leaders Blog, Lead Change Blog, Leadership Courseware Blog, The Business Networker, and Forward/Adelante magazine. She also serves as adjunct faculty at PVCC.